Original-Cin Q&A: Sonequa Martin-Green's Real-Life Trauma Behind My Dead Friend Zoe

By John Kirk

Sonequa Martin-Green’s role of a returning Afghanistan vet in My Dead Friend Zoe was hardly a simple performance, given real-life traumas that occurred while she was filming Star Trek: Discovery in Toronto.

In the film, Merit is back in the U.S., trying to reconcile her memories of her experiences in Afghanistan and the death of her best friend, Zoe. She has to learn to navigate the pitfalls of PTSD and trauma, and discover how her friendship can transcend grief.

It's a rare film that manages to deftly speak to the audience and depict the biting pain of grief, yet be able to speak to the audience about the need for healing when we lose a friend. Yet this film manages to do that while honouring the emotion in a portrayal so accurate that they see themselves.

Sonequa Martin-Green and her dead friend Zoe (Natalie Morales, left)

That’s where we started the interview. It’s a tall order for an actor, and we had to ask Sonequa about the source of her power for such a role like the one she plays, Merit.

My Dead Friend Zoe is in theatres now.

CLICK HERE to read John Kirk’s review of My Dead Friend Zoe.

ORIGINAL-CIN: I don’t mean to pry, but were there personal experiences that lent themselves to your portrayal of Merit?

MARTIN-GREEN: I have to be honest and give you a brutal answer that isn’t polished. I haven’t spoken about this very much.

Normally I don’t use my own life in my work. I stay within the parameters of the story and I see them as guard rails and use them as a fence with my imagination and play inside of.

I related to Kyle (Director, Kyle Hausmann-Stokes, a former U.S. Army paratrooper in Iraq) because I have had my own journey with PTSD, survivor’s guilt, specifically with my parents. They’re not the only ones I’ve lost, but I lost them a day apart in 2021.

It made the process more challenging for me in prep, because I was triggered and all that stuff was coming up. But it was healing in a way. I apologized to my Dad when he passed away from liver cancer. When my Mom passed from a heart attack the next day, I wasn’t able to have a conversation with her.

So, all of this stuff that I was carrying that was coming up and it made it very difficult for me. But there was this deep desire mixed in to do him justice, to do veterans justice, and other people dealing with these emotions. It was very complicated.

O-C: What about military influences that helped you with this character?

MARTIN-GREEN: That would be Kyle. I do know veterans – I have veterans in my family. I’ve seen it but it is still a world that I’m not overly familiar with.

But he would send over materials, he interviewed more than 500 veterans in the course of four years and he would arrange for us to see those. He sent over a French film that featured female veterans and on top of that, I just listened to him.

He let me ask personal questions and answered them honestly. He even gave me a mission briefing to let me pore over it and put myself in those shoes. Ninety per cent of our cast are veterans too, so I got to talk to them on set and they were also gracious to share and open up to me. We got to the thick of it and it allowed me to take it in, ingest it and digest it.

O-C: The power of sharing. Talk about this and the power of friendship. I see this as having a friendship so powerful that it defies death.

MARTIN-GREEN: Yes! I think one of the reasons why the film has an intoxicating effect is because you’ve got this dichotomy, a personification of guilt, shame and Survivor’s Remorse in Zoe – she’s not a ghost, she’s a manifestation. Completely a figment of Merit’s imagination.

But that figment provides familiarity, comfort, fun and happiness because this is how she prefers to remember Zoe. At the same time, the dichotomy is that Zoe does her harm. She holds her back. She torments her and doesn’t want her to move forward.

That’s the problem. These feelings become so comfortable that you don’t know who you are without them. This is one of the most provocative things about the film: you see both ends – the joy and the pain that carrying these feelings around can bring.

O-C: But it’s your friend. You don’t want to let go.

MARTIN-GREEN: A thousand per cent. Because you feel if you let them go, not only do you wonder who that will make you, but you wonder what it will mean for your friend.

What does it mean if I let you go? Does it mean that you didn’t have the impact on my life that I thought you did? Am I letting go of that impact? Who am I without you? More, who am I if I had a hand in your demise? But I need to be free from that.

O-C: Tell us about working with Kyle.

MARTIN-GREEN: I remember Kyle telling me that in the deepest, darkest moments of his post-traumatic growth journey, he had spoken to a counselor and he asked: “Do you think that your buddies…” – because it’s two people that Kyle had based Zoe on – “…do you think that this is what your buddies would want for you, running yourself into the ground, not moving yourself forward?”

I remember Kyle saying that he grumbled at him, but he knew that he had to move forward. It’s false humility to think otherwise.

So, for him, that was a turning point in his journey. I think that what we can all glean from him and the film is that the confrontation of self that leads to the forgiveness of self, leads to healing, which leads to freedom. Then you are free to honour your friends in a way that’s fitting and not self-destructive.

In this case though, I certainly related to Kyle. Merit is 93% him – his words. His life, exactly as it happened.” 

O-C: Your cast is amazing. What a privilege it must have been. Can you share with us what it was like sharing the camera with talents like Morgan (Freeman), Ed (Harris) and Natalie (Morales)?

MARTIN-GREEN: Well, I have been saying this entire time that Natalie Morales is a brilliant tactician. She is a precision craftswoman. She understands the moment with a laser point accuracy.

I’m so impressed and inspired by her. I’m so grateful that she carries the light and the joy of the film. Utkarsh (Ambudkar) does that as well. He brings that joy too. He is peeking open the blinds and letting the sun shine in.

It’s so important what they do. Natalie’s and my chemistry was e-e-a-asy. I’ll never forget what I learned from Morgan and Ed.

I’m so grateful to Ed (who plays her grandfather) – I get so nervous when I’m around him! So, it’s easier for me to give him his flowers, better when he’s not there with me! I just want to rave about him. I could rave about him for a year and not be done! He opened himself up to me so I will always be grateful to him for that. He allowed me to come into his heart and said, “Come on in – let’s play together.”

Morgan graced us with his presence and I fee like I’ve loved Gloria my whole life. She had this fearsome vulnerability – I feel like we are succeeding though because of Kyle.

O-C: If there was a personal achievement out of this film for you, a sense of accomplishment, share with us what you think it was.

MARTIN-GREEN: I think it was what you started the interview with. Legit. It’s people telling me that they have seen themselves. That they have felt like they were encouraged to lean in, talk about it, lean into someone else and talk about it.

We have heard from so many veterans who say that they are going to talk about it. We have heard from different people who have their own touchpoints into their own stories but are touched nonetheless, that is all that matters. I’m so grateful for that. I’m honoured, I’m honoured, I’m honoured.