French Girl: Implausible Poutine-free Rom-Com Barely Clears Little Italy's Low Bar
By Chris Knight
Rating: C-
Back in 2018, there appeared in Canadian cinemas an execrable bit of romantic-comedy/tourism-and-food porn called Little Italy, featuring Hayden Christensen, Emma Roberts, and the Toronto neighbourhood of the title.
French Girl, which does the same thing but with Zach Braff, Evelyne Brochu and Quebec City, is not quite as bad. But beware, because that’s a very low bar.
New Yorker Zach Braff gets goosed in his girlfriend’s hometown of Quebec City.
Brochu stars as Sophie Tremblay, an aspiring chef living in New York with her boyfriend Gordon (Braff), a Brooklyn public school teacher who rides his bike to work and occasionally seeks emotional advice from his dad, a blocked novelist played in a goofy turn by William Fichtner.
Sophie gets a call from her old boss, Ruby (Vanessa Hudgens), who is about to open her own eatery inside Quebec City’s famous Chateau Frontenac, one of Canada’s majestic railway hotels. Desperate to be supportive, Gordon agrees to accompany her to Canada, where she’ll try out for a job and also reconnect with her family.
And oh, what a family. Does “sel de la terre” translate? The men are far manlier than Shakespeare-quoting Gordon, with père Tremblay (Luc Picard) butchering lambs on the family farm, and Junior (Antoine Olivier Pilon), in his Voivod T-shirt, anxious to be cop.
The women are less distinct, but suffice to say that grandma (Muriel Dutil) has dementia, which as we all know is never not funny.
Co-writers and directors James A. Woods and Nicolas Wright deliver a broad swath of humour with results that are more miss than hit, like the local goose that delights in chasing Gordon, or the family duck hunt that goes off the rails.
But oddly, none of the misunderstandings come down to language. Braff, I’m going to guess, can speak no French, but his character claims to understand it thanks to long exposure to Sophie. And the Tremblays speak only French, yet seem to understand everything the New Yorker says. It’s as though each is reading the other’s subtitles.
This is particularly confusing given that Junior needs help with his English to finally pass the police force entrance exam. For a guy who can’t manage that much, he seems to have no gaps in comprehending Gordon’s rapid-fire English.
But ultimately, what sinks the story is a combination of miscasting and bad writing, regardless of its language. Braff tries too hard to be likeable, sometimes coming off as almost creepy. Hudgens leans the other way.
I haven’t mentioned the other impediment to its protagonists’ happiness, which is that Sophie and Ruby used to be an item. Gordon only finds this out midway through the movie, although we know from the start - and even if we didn’t, I’ve gone and told you!
His subsequent jealousy makes his already borderline character even harder to root for, though the film clearly wants us to. Sophie, rather than being torn between two good choices in Gordon and Ruby, must navigate between two bad ones, as former lover and current one try to sabotage one another.
Will she choose the smarmy and conniving boyfriend, or the controlling ex who embodies all the worst qualities of the celebrity chef stereotype? Is there ever any doubt? Do we even care?
Oh, and also: No poutine? Quelle horreur!
French Girl. Directed by James A. Woods, and Nicolas Wright. Starring Zach Braff, Vanessa Hudgens, and Evelyne Brochu. Opens in theatres Friday, March 15.