Five Nights at Freddy's: Five Minutes Is More Than Enough for this Fans-Only Horror Film
By Thom Ernst
Rating: C-
And now the screaming starts, but it’s not from anything that appears on screen. Five Nights at Freddy’s is the atrocity that won’t admit defeat, at least not from the fans who have been waiting years for the release of the film version of the video game.
They scream ear-achingly loud so that everyone in the theatre knows they are in on the gag, that they recognize the YouTube stars who make their cameos, that they haven’t missed any of the multitude of references to the video game. The rest of the audience are left to feel like guests at the wrong party.
No, I have not played the video game. Yes, that’s a reason those fan-screeching responses were lost on me. They also were unnecessarily and aggressively over-the-top. If Five Nights at Freddy’s has anything to offer in the way of entertainment, scares, and authentic memorabilia, it was buried beneath the determined pandering to those addicted to being on the inside of the joke.
The problem here is that the crowd ends up being reviewed rather than the film, although from where I sat, the film doesn’t fare any better. There’s a history to the game’s story (I have a daughter who fills in the gaps for me) that is intriguing, and suitably horrifying. It involves missing children and an inventor whose good intentions go horribly wrong. I like the story the game tells. I wish it ended up on screen.
What we get is Mike, a sad-sack loser (Josh Hutcherson) traumatized by the kidnapping of his little brother while under his watch. He now is the sole provider of his much younger sister, Abby (Piper Rubio), an uncommunicative child who conveys her inner fears and thoughts through crayon sketches.
The tragedy of losing a child destroyed the once Rockwell-picture-perfect family. Mom has died and Dad abandoned them. Now an aunt (Mary Stuart Masterson) vies for custody of her niece, claiming her nephew to be incapable as a parent. But the aunt, we learn, is only after Abby’s monthly child-care cheque.
All these complications land Mike as the overnight security guard for the abandoned Freddy’s, a former family-themed amusement restaurant that closed due a slew of missing children, including a few deaths by animatronics (although I’m uncertain as to which part of this story is in the film, and which part is just part of the game’s lore).
Before you can say, “Hey, haven’t I seen this movie back when it was called Willy’s Wonderland and starred Nicolas Cage?” the animatronics (possessed by the ghost of dead children) start stalking and killing intruders.
Their motivation is unclear. Revenge doesn’t seem likely. Anger, maybe. It’s all a bit vague, and ultimately unsatisfying. When the revelations and disclosures start coming in, the audience squeals with shock and surprise, which seems odd since they seem to be on top of everything else. It's a tiresome and underwhelming ordeal.
Love comes when a police officer (Elizabeth Lail) checks in on Mike during her nightly rounds. Lail outshines everyone else in the film, including the animatronics. You know there’s a problem with the story when the arrival of a potential love interest is more interesting than the horror.
The film also brings back Matthew Lillard, a career counsellor who has just about given up on finding Mike meaningful employment. Lillard is not a great actor, but his schtick is at least interesting to watch —although it’s a challenge to watch Lillard and not think how much Shaggy has aged.
The film is directed by Emma Tammi, who came on board after Chris Columbus dropped out. Oh, how different things might have been had Columbus stayed on board. Seems like Columbus bailed when the script went through a drastic change; changes that presumably became what ended up on screen.
Fans will likely rate Five Nights at Freddy’s through the roof, reacting like a mass of an underrepresented minority suddenly given a voice. If Freddy’s is the voice they’ve been waiting for, then there wasn’t a whole lot they needed to say. Although, I have little doubt they will have plenty of things to say as the reviews pile in.
To them I say there is a place below to leave your comments. I look forward to reading them.
Five Nights at Freddy’s. Directed by Emma Tammi. Starring Josh Hutcherson, Piper Rubio, Mary Stuart Masterson, Elizabeth Lail, and Matthew Lillard. In theatres October 27.