The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard: Smirks, Mayhem, and Salma Hayek’s Chest in Bloody Buddy Comedy

By Liam Lacey

Rating: C

If you’re wondering why there’s a movie called The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, here is the answer.

The movie is a sequel to 2017’s The Hitman’s Bodyguard, an action-comedy full starring Ryan Reynolds as Michael Bryce, a squeamish, neurotic executive bodyguard forced to collaborate with a foul-mouthed, violent, life-affirming hitman, Darius Kincaid, played by Samuel L. Jackson.

The first film earned $177 million worldwide on a $30-million budget, which is why the sequel was conceived and brought to life.

The question of whether the movie should exist is less obvious. Essentially, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard — which opens in select theatres this week, and video on demand on a later date — is a buddy comedy that gets swallowed by a bombastic B-movie action flick.

Returning director Patrick Hughes and screenwriters Tom O’Connor, Phillip Murphy, and Brandon Murphy count too much on star charisma and action set-ups to carry the narrative. The result is that the smirks are mild and scattered while the bloodshed, gun fights, and explosions are relentless.

The movie starts with the traumatized Michael Bryce (Reynolds) on the therapist’s couch, trying to wean himself from his profession. But on a European vacation to the isle of Capri (“Like the pants”), he gets dragged back into the fray by Darius Kincaid’s con-artist wife, Sonia (Salma Hayek), who needs him to help rescue her husband from some mobsters.

Hayek, as a stereotypical Latina hot tamale, has a larger role than in the first film. Also, there is more attention to her breasts, handled by both Bryce and Kincaid, earning enough commentary that they should probably get their own credits.

PROUDLY SUPPORTING ORIGINAL-CIN

Instead, some dubious credits go to a couple of marquee stars who should know better: Antonio Banderas as a pompadour-wearing Greek tycoon seeking revenge against the European Union’s austerity measures against Greece, and Morgan Freeman (wasted) as Bryce’s ambiguous role model.

Banderas’ role here is doubly disappointing, first, because he doesn’t attempt to employ a Greek accent, and secondly, because his plan to employ a giant drill to crack the underwater box to disrupt the European power grid isn’t worthy of Wile E. Coyote on a slow day.

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard. Directed by Patrick Hughes. Written by Tom O’Connor, Phillip Murphy, and Brandon Murphy. Starring Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, and Morgan Freeman. Now available in theatres that have opened; VOD TBD.