Jiu Jitsu: Say Hello to the First (Maybe Worst) Really Bad Film of The Year

By Thom Ernst

Rating: D

Jiu Jitsu is the first bad film of 2021. What else is there to say about a movie so shoddily patched together you can practically spot duct tape attaching one scene to the next? But as thorough and accurate as a single-line review might be, I'm bound to meeting the standards that readers of Original-Cin have come to expect.

And so, if only out of respect for the time and effort the filmmakers clearly put into spell-checking their names for the end credits, here are the reasons I believe Jiu Jitsu ranks as the first worst film of the year.

As flat and uncompelling as its title, Jiu Jitsu plays like a hybrid of rejected audition tapes from Predator with the outtakes from the fifth Highlander movie (and not the ones starring Christopher Lambert). But just how bad is Jiu Jitsu? Well, bad enough that the phrase “a waste of Nicolas Cage's talents” actually means something.

Yes, Cage is in the film, a fact that Jiu Jitsu so blatantly over-markets in its promotion that it's hard to miss him when going into the movie, but so underutilized that it's easy to forget him when coming out. But even Cage, who plays Wylie, an eccentric (what else?) disheveled character who has toppled from honour to disgrace, seems reluctant to pursue anything beyond the lines he's given.

It's worth asking if Cage has an agent vetting his scripts or if he appears in these films as a way of whittling down a long list of favours.

I think Jiu Jitsu has a story hanging between its thread of uninspired fight scenes, but it's a story so empty of ideas and inspiration that viewers are left grappling to find something of interest. They are sure to fail. I did. And I have the benefit of a synopsis to fall back on—which in film criticism is the equivalent of a cheat-sheet.

The cheat-sheet informs me that Jiu Jitsu is the story of a band of warriors who return to Earth every six years to ward off an alien attack. That doesn't quite feel like the movie I saw, but there is a vague familiarity between that synopsis and what the film delivers.

I remember the band of warriors who, despite their sexennial visits, fail to update their wardrobe beyond early 17th century Mongolian. And I remember there being aliens, a vicious species with Predator skills in cool biker outfits—they also, for some reason, have a sapphire as a head.

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When a warrior (played with dazed bewilderment by martial arts artist and stuntman-turned-actor, Alain Moussi) is rescued from the brink of death and delivered to the American military, the veil between army and warrior and alien begins to shred, and the three worlds collide in a battle for humanity. And in that synopsis is a far better movie than the one that appears on screen.

My unconfirmed suspicion is that Jiu Jitsu is mythical, but also science fiction. But does it matter if the story's crux settles on the druid-like prophesizing of the warriors or the gung-ho presence of the military when it all gets blurred within a wild flurry of styles? Director Dimitri Logothetis muddles the film in a mess of bells and whistles from every possible option available off an iMovie Pro download.

My problem with Jiu Jitsu isn't with its threadbare production value. I have no gripes with a movie that makes do on a limited budget. But no amount of money can salvage a script so crammed with poorly contrived comedic stereotypes or rescue it from the director's jarringly inconsistent point of view.

Neither is there much to gain from the film's failed attempts at creating mood with underlit scenes drained of colour and atmosphere. And as creative as it might seem, dotting the screen in bursts of red to insinuate a comic book style of bloody combat has as the artistic merit of bugs dashed against a windshield. (To be fair, there are two impressive incidences of heads exploding. Bigger bug, larger windshield.)

Indeed, more money would afford a step up from the B and C level cast, some whose performances fall well below the standards of a grade school Christmas pageant.

Most unfortunate is the casting of Marie Avgeropoulos, whose attempts at playing the hardened military interrogation officer has all the ferocity of a pissed-off school bus driver. But as unintentionally funny as her scenes are, they don't top the scene where Jake, confronted by an alien and certain death, hauls butt with all the heroic fortitude of Homer Simpson.

If the filmmakers are clever—and the movie provides minor evidence to support that they are—then they'd be wise to embrace the title of first worst of 2021. It's likely to be the most auspicious claim they'll be able to make.

That, and they can always hope for a chance to appear on an episode of Mystery Theatre 2000. There is nothing about Jiu Jitsu that a heavy dose of sarcasm can't improve.

Jiu Jitsu. Directed by Dimitri Logothetis. Starring Alain Moussi, Marie Avgeropoulos, Tony Jaa and Nicolas Cage. Jiu Jitsu is currently available on DVD, VOD and BluRay.